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untitled #5

Bukannya aku tak ingin memadu kasih
namun diriku masih menyimpan harapan perih
yang dulunya terlihat mudah untuk diraih
entahlah, kali ini alam mengisyaratkanku untuk tak menagih

masih kuingat saat kumantapkan hatiku untuk dia. Dia, yang selama ini menjadi liquid oxygen dalam tungku semangatku di dada. Membakar apapun agar dengan hebat bergelora. Tanpa salam tanpa ucapan, dia pergi nun jauh tak bertanda. Mari mengandai, andai saja dulunya tak begitu adanya. Mungkin saat ini semua akan berbeda. Tanpa ada benci, amarah, dan nestapa. Menghujat? Rasanya sudah menjadi kebiasaan berkala. Pecundang yang hanya bisa memendam segala rasa. Entahlah, sudah berapa kali saja kuteriakkan dengan lantang bahwa aku masih mencintainya

namun tetap saja pintu itu tak mau terbuka, tidak lelah menunggu orang yang sama untuk disambut
bila dipikir-pikir, aku ini orang yang telah menyia-nyiakan waktu dengan berkalut

"Apakah kau pernah memikirkanku di sini, bahwa hampir setiap harinya aku berdoa sambil berlutut? Maaf bila hingga saat ini namamu lah yang sering kusebut."

-Surabaya, 20082017.

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