Thoughts of a Man Called Aim

I want to build a library or a coworking space that can fulfill the needs of many people that want to study or work but can't because there are not that many places open for 24 hours, and free, to top that off. Feel me as a student; can't be having to spend additional expenses for a drink (?) or a snack (?) that is usually unnecessary. Not counting the sugar and other health aspects that may come together with that. Although, of course, you can always exercise more to get rid of those substances and it's good for your body to workout more often. You are going to reap the sedentary life that you sow today if you don't.      It would be a huge achievement for me and I think that's what people call as virtue ? This could even be my biggest achievement I can imagine yet. The dream comes from my habit of working something in a quiet, chilly, and comfortable place. I can't find it in most of the coffee shops in my area. I could find them in coworking space! And publi...

Why do people care less to something that's not their own? Something that's not in their possession? Something strange, something unfamiliar to them? Most of the time, it's because they don't have a sense of belonging . No attachment whatsoever. A sense that makes you have some kind of a bond. If it's not theirs, why would they care in the first place? Why would YOU want to take care of something that you've never seen before? Just imagine that. Except, of course, you have a long history (or short) with the thing and your mind is telling you not to ignore if something ever goes wrong. Now you can stop your wondering on why do public facilities look or feel terrible most of the time. At least in my country/city. Mostly, but not all. Poor soul.      Now, if somebody were to be treating someone else's car or trash bin "unintentionally" like how the owner wanted, the owner would go rage mode. Berserk. People would cut ties even among families just beca...

Often times we do things because we want to prove to everyone that we can do what we've always wanted. That's just wrong in my book and that's something I've been avoiding in a  while. You should be do things because you want to do it. Screw anybody. Their opinions don't matter (the negative ones). Negative opinion and critics are different.      This can also be determined by your ideals and values . Maybe you like to impress people; maybe you don't. Maybe you don't want to show your true self; maybe you do.  Seeing people around me, well, not most people, they usually want to have a high social credits. Or maybe their self esteem cuz they are lacking it. We want to be seen as  a helpful person or of value to the society. Which is great on its own. But, when you do it to make people "accept" you, that's a different story. Why bother? Adios!

I've always thought that I'm an ambivert.      This is not without a reason. My mother used to tell me that I was a joyful kid; but, that only lasted till elementary school. She noticed something different from me then. Right now, in my 20s, I don't even feel like going out. I feel more alive when I watch movies, writing things down, read some books that I never got to finish, play games because it's sometimes therapeutic; just mindlessly spend the hours and days in front of my PC or contemplating life while laying down in my bed.      The first time I came across the word ambivert was during my early years of college. Way back before that, I consider myself an introvert. This is because once I'm home or my school/class ends, I just want to go home and have some peace in my room. Vibe to my music alone, singing and dancing just for the h*ll of it. Back in high school, I barely ever go to a party or anything related to it since there were so many invitation...

During my puberty , I could barely see any difference in terms of physical changes; comparing to my friends, especially girls. I'm friends with my junior high school till senior high school girl friends pretty much every one of them so I would  always meet them at a certain event or just when hanging around. One of the biggest changes that I notice is that their hip would look more structured. Like when they walk, their hips weren't used to be that "left-right-left-right" type of moving. They used to looked straight as in no curve whatsoever on the left and right side. Years after, I understand that those were probably vaginal bones since, well, they are women, they're gonna give birth so they surely will develop those bones. Or they have, but just not that developed. IDK. Breast, well, I can't really say much on this; but during elementary school, some of my friends have already grown their things and that's probably the first time ever I asked to my par...

Come to think of it, my family had a turtle . The story is quite funny. The first time I met him was when me and my family visited our grandparents from my father in the city. We visit our grandparents regularly every week and usually on the weekends. One day, my grandmother walked past the living room and went outside while holding some food. I don't remember what food it was but it was probably fruit. She was around 70 years old so she could only eat soft and not too sweet food. It was around 4 p.m. so the rest of the family was watching shows on TV in the living room. While we were watching, I was bored of the show, I wanted to check my grandmother and so I walked outside. My grandmother was there, throwing the food she brought earlier while also munching on some. At that time, I was like, "Grandma, why are u throwing the food?! You are wasting it!" and my grandma replied, "Come here, I'll show you something. Sit beside me here." We waited for a while, an...

One thing I've noticed and learned throughout the year I was absence from blogging/writing journal is that things tend to fall in terms of joyfulness and you will be blinded by things that are catching your eyes more than the mundane, repetitive things. Just pure plain, different from what you thought the first time you discovered it which you probably felt like "Oh! How come I just found out about this??? I would be doing this for my entire life!!!" kind of words.      Excitement. Novelty of things that are completely new. They often shine right off the bat but when you don't really have or set a goal/achieving something out of it you will be doing it lesser, lesser, and lesser, up until the point you don't even want to see or hear the name of it. Especially if you are like me, who is easily bored with stuff that I just can't see where would I be going/what I can gain in a very short time. Similar feeling to learning or do subjects that you are told and for...

I've always been interested in playing drum , rapping and explore new places in the open forest. It was around early high school year when I found out my life calling. Well not necessarily a calling, but I just know that that is just what I want to do in my life.      For me, I take hobbies as something that I do when I'm in my free time. It could be anytime like when I'm waiting for a meeting, on my way to somewhere using public transportation etc. Reading for example is like a habit of me, I read anytime I want but I also schedule the time for when I am going to read in a day so I'm not going to call it as a hobby.      I found out about drumming when I was jamming through Muse musics. Holy d*mn, their music is sooo good. I was listening to Stockholm Syndrome and didn't know what a music can do to your heart. It's just the usual Muse music, they leave the best part near the end, not in the middle or even at the start of the song. If you would, you shoul...

Bad things happen in our life, whether it's from our own actions or the universe conspiracies to make you suffer . Some say we can overcome all the obstacles we find on our way to achieve greatness if we believe hard enough that we could . It's not only about how motivated we are but also what strategy and what kind of resources we hold. Both can be from the help of colleagues or our own. Whatever is yours today, was somebody else's yesterday, and will be somebody else's tomorrow.  -Krishna, in Bhagavad Gita      Very wise words from my all time favourite philosopher. It means that we have to be grateful for what we have right now, like everything. Like, say, your clothes you are wearing right now, if it is made out of cotton, it was made by all the worms that worked hard to produce the cotton. Not knowing it will be taken from them just to fulfill humans need. Domestication. Wow this is probably too much for now but yeah you get the point. Say, your job right now, i...

To become a creative person you must be able to connect the dots . What dots? Your knowledge.       Remember The Martian movie? Just like the guy that recommended the ship to move around the earth and get the thrust so that they can go back to mars and meet the guy that was left in mars with using less fuel if they were to take a turn in the middle of the space without earth's gravity. Now IDK if that scenario would be possible in reality because I've never really understood the concept to get the thrust or whatever they were aiming to use to push the ship. If he didn't know about the gravity concept, he wouldn't know something can be done to help the situation and the movie will probably end up with them turning around in the middle of the space. So to be creative you gotta know and understand at least everything that is in line with the subject you are dealing with. In this case physics, aerodynamics, and some other things (don't quote me on this LOL).   ...

So like a day or two ago (at the time this is posted probably already weeks ago) I confessed to a girl I was in love with. LMAO. That was like the first time in my 21 year lifetime I confessed to someone about my feelings towards them. God d*mn that whole day I couldn't sleep, eat, and do my stuff.      I wasn't expecting her response cuz we haven't talked in years, by talk I mean chatting online SMH and yea so she replied the day after I sent my message. Sh*t. Once again I couldn't use my brain at all. I didn't want to read it instantly but also I was curious on what she answered to my message with so I just kept the notification up top, right sliding all the other non important notifications (cuz only this one that's important for me at that time LOL). But for real I didn't open the message until the next day. What a coward I am. It was in the morning when I opened it, and bam my brain stopped functioning for the second or third or fourth IDK I stopped cou...

This year I'm turning to 21 years old. TWEnty ONe. This means I gotta make like a life roadmap before sh*t happens and f*ck my life up. To be honest, I haven't been thinking of having a relationship, hell even thinking of having a child. I admit that I'm not ready yet. Soon but not now.      I want to feel and live by myself for at least another 9 years, that's like when I'm 30 years old then I'll start thinking of what kind of relationship I want to have, how many children me and my partner want, where would we live, what our children's names will be, and a bunch of other adult stuff I don't want to think of for now. I still want to live single. I want to be a bad*ss uncle, walking around with a lot of money, gaining attentions wherever I go, and get all the ladies. No I'm JK. But yea the point is I want to enjoy the life of a single man before having a relationship which I imagine would be like in prison. You can't do anything freely because yo...

One of these days I keep thinking of what I once thought when I was much, much, much younger. Nothingness . The existence of one is absent. Basically nothing is existing and there is only nothing out there.      Back then I was curious of what would you do after your body dies. What would happen after that. I was thinking that our brain is what makes us human. Controls what we do, decides what food we are going to have for lunch, what position do you have in this world, etc. Without that we are not really a human. We would be just like animals, using instincts for their survival in this world. Then one time I came across the idea of what would happen after you die. Nothing. You can not see anything, you can not think of anything, feel anything, no heartbeat, everything that were attached on our human body. With that in my mind I started to contemplate life more often regarding of what can I do to be immortal even if my body would decease eventually, what would my legacy b...

For the last few weeks I've been struggling to come back to reality. I have been a bad person, not like I did commit crimes or anything, just that I was too naive about the world.      Sometimes it's good to have plans of your own and not thinking all the consequences. Being an idealist is hard but doable (if you have the courage and are willing to wait for god knows how long until it happens). Sometimes you just gotta throw all your dreams and aspirations. It just won't happen. In the times like this we have to move in a fast pace, while there are some that choose not to, ignoring process if I must say.       There's a famous word from my country that says, Idealisme adalah kemewahan terakhir yang hanya dimiliki oleh pemuda. Idealism is the last luxury that only youth have. -Tan Malaka      Well then I guess I'm starting to get into the boring adult life we all wanted when we were young which we regret instantly after we get it LOL. It'...

Being a judgmental person made me lose a lot of opportunities I could have get. Seeing someone else's achievement, judging the person because they just can't finish their work on time, etc.  You know too much psychology when you can't get mad because you understand why everyone's reasons for doing everything.      I was a very judgmental person. I would talk sh*t to anyone that I feel they deserve what I'm about to say. Even if they would hate me in the end. I didn't care about one's feeling towards my actions. One day I realize I've made so much mistakes by letting them know what I think about them because you simply just can't say what you think about them directly. People don't need your suggestions or input unless they asked you for it and even then people will more likely going to let it pass. I realize that by telling them what to do I would just waste my energy and time which I can invest in something else instead of being a judgmental pe...

Childhood celebbbrity crrrushhh now I'll give you time to remember all of them! That one time you watch a show, or maybe you came to their concert, or in the movie they were in, everything!      I suddenly remember that I was so in love with the girl in Bridge to Terabithia. Yup, the name is AnnaSophia Robb. I'll always remember the name. It was on holiday and well you know all the holiday movie is being played on TV and we were just watching it. Then this movie came. One thing that got my mind is that where the F did she go??? I was so young I didn't know what to think or what could be the scenario behind it and really the movie just left me with confusion. I learn about the tragedy when I hit teenage years when internet was already a common thing and accessible here where I live. That broke my heart instantly. But well life is always like that. Words that I remember from a scene in The Amazing World of Gumball (yes, you heard it right, GUMBALL), When life gives you lem...

While I was listening to one of Rich Brian's song "History" I heard about self control . Background story about the song is it's about a guy that met her ex and he couldn't move on. One day they both were in the same place, in a party to be exact. The girl's friends warned her about him and that she should stay away from him now that they have broken up. Then the guy this bar came, You're so good at self control, but, maybe now it's time for change.      That bar made me think that hmm if only I have that kind of power, just imagine you can limit the time you spend on your daily activities. This will soon lead you to be able to avoid instant gratification , but that will be on another discussion. Having the power to wait for instant gratification just a little bit longer for something greater in the long run is something that you can achieve if you do it daily. It's gotta be your habit . You gotta live with it, breath with it, etc.      For me, wel...

Last Saturday my place went through an instant disaster known as flood . The government then cut out the electricity since Saturday morning 6:30 a.m even until now Monday afternoon 12:30 p.m as I'm writing this. The flood covered nearly the entire place of where I'm living with the height of 180 cm the highest. My house fortunately only got a small flood by only 30 cm, not much but still we can't do anything without the electricity running.      We are using the conventional method as source of water, jet pump. So with the current situation where we have no electricity = no water = no dishes done = no one goes to shower = all works are suspended with no estimated time of arrival (ETA). It's been two days GDI and still counting.      Hope everything is going to be okay here and of course out there and like the best quote of my life that I read from Kaskus a looong time ago says, This too shall pass. Adios!

No matter what the results are, keep doing it . You only get better when you don't stop. Even if you don't think you can pull it, just believe in yourself. If something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor. -Elon Musk      Start fresh. Do things slowly . Never expect big returns. Always think of the worst case possible scenario. Slow but sure . Stay away from distractions . Build up your confidence . Listen to music of your choice. But remember, take a quick break once in a while. Record your progressions. You will soon see how much you have improved . Adios!

Do you ever feel like you have some symptoms ? Well let me tell you what I think about it. Ever since I was a little kid I have been having this thing I don't know what but every time I do something on my right hand, my left hand has to do it too. Let's say I was just wiping off some dirt on my right hand, I would be mad and will always think that I should wipe my left hand too even though I did nothing on it. When I'm playing with my hand like what other children do (or probably not) I always want to make my hands move symmetrically like if the right hand goes up so does the left one. After years of NOT realizing what happened to me back then and what has always been happening to me, apparently it's called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). According to Google (if you search it up "OCD meaning"),  It is an excessive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviours compulsions). Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by unreasonable thoughts ...