Thoughts of a Man Called Aim

Aku hanyalah seorang keparat yang sedari lahir memang tak berbakat berlapiskan tanpa warna dan hanya pucat maka tak henti dirimu berfirasat pundakku kelu bila sedang beradu beradu dengan sifat yang semaumu hanya dengan berdiam dan membatu maka puaslah seluruh nafsu besarmu aku benci dengan perasaan tak biasa ini seakan sebuah keharusan untuk dimiliki tak mempunyai, tak bebas diri maka itulah gambaranku saat ini berat hati untuk berpindah sasaran terlena dengan sesuatu yang menyegarkan selama kau tetap berteguh dengan dugaan maka selama itu pula jiwa ini berantakan -Tangerang, 27072017.

Just gazin' at the sky it attracted ur soul to fly fly away and never die while the others just passin' by how can u burn somethin' to dust when everythin' u do went bust with nobody u can trust and keeps the world in its lust so sick and tired of the stars u used to gaze 'em at the bars and as u listen to the guitars ur head spinnin' around like pulsars just a moment after that u exhaustedly woke up scared to death 'cause u got no backup wonder if it wasn't only a dream set up u might wanna go rage and blowup -Tangerang, 16062017.

Lama ia mencari-cari apa arti dari kehadirannya rintik hujan menghujam tiada henti hingga tak terasa hari sudah senja banyak hal muncul dan menimbulkan tanya selayaknya manusia berakal, ia mengandai sekian waktu digunakannya hingga air hujan kini meresapi tirai dalam lamunan yang sama terasa sepi memeluknya dengan lembut awan di langit senja kembali menyapa hingga sepi perlahan menyurut tekanan darah dalam tubuh mengalir deras seakan alam mengujinya dengan ganas ingin ia buang rasa itu sepintas hingga ia berontak dengan keras! dalam waktu singkat buyarlah lamunan diikuti cucuran keringat diangkatnya tubuhnya dari kasur bertingkat hingga tubuh tak kuasa bergoyang hebat tak bertuan, tak berarah sesuatu telah menubruknya dengan parah tak ada yang diingat selain genangan darah hingga tak henti ia menghujat dengan marah namun senja kini sudah tak sejajar semua hal di atas mulai memudar sayup-sayup ia mendengar halilintar hingga akhirnya hari sudah fajar -Tangerang, 29052017.

I once was blind blind to everything who cares to me it was when I met a girl, she amazed me. One day I screwed up the situation we had. By we I mean me and her. I couldn't help my feelings to her but, there is something that was struggling, right inside my head. I know that I couldn't let her go at that time, so I decided to take some activities that might be useful for me to forget about her. But every time I'm alone, my fkn brain just keep popping up her image, back when I used to stalk her, or anything else that is related to her. I believe love can do big things but, some people say that you couldn't stay with your lover forever. And some other people say that you just need to keep her on your mind, deep inside your tiny little mind. -Tangerang, 13062016.

So like a day or two ago (at the time this is posted probably already weeks ago) I confessed to a girl I was in love with. LMAO. That was like the first time in my 21 year lifetime I confessed to someone about my feelings towards them. God d*mn that whole day I couldn't sleep, eat, and do my stuff.      I wasn't expecting her response cuz we haven't talked in years, by talk I mean chatting online SMH and yea so she replied the day after I sent my message. Sh*t. Once again I couldn't use my brain at all. I didn't want to read it instantly but also I was curious on what she answered to my message with so I just kept the notification up top, right sliding all the other non important notifications (cuz only this one that's important for me at that time LOL). But for real I didn't open the message until the next day. What a coward I am. It was in the morning when I opened it, and bam my brain stopped functioning for the second or third or fourth IDK I stopped cou