Thoughts of a Man Called Aim

I've always been interested in playing drum , rapping and explore new places in the open forest. It was around early high school year when I found out my life calling. Well not necessarily a calling, but I just know that that is just what I want to do in my life.      For me, I take hobbies as something that I do when I'm in my free time. It could be anytime like when I'm waiting for a meeting, on my way to somewhere using public transportation etc. Reading for example is like a habit of me, I read anytime I want but I also schedule the time for when I am going to read in a day so I'm not going to call it as a hobby.      I found out about drumming when I was jamming through Muse musics. Holy d*mn, their music is sooo good. I was listening to Stockholm Syndrome and didn't know what a music can do to your heart. It's just the usual Muse music, they leave the best part near the end, not in the middle or even at the start of the song. If you would, you should def

Bad things happen in our life, whether it's from our own actions or the universe conspiracies to make you suffer . Some say we can overcome all the obstacles we find on our way to achieve greatness if we believe hard enough that we could . It's not only about how motivated we are but also what strategy and what kind of resources we hold. Both can be from the help of colleagues or our own. Whatever is yours today, was somebody else's yesterday, and will be somebody else's tomorrow.  -Krishna, in Bhagavad Gita      Very wise words from my all time favourite philosopher. It means that we have to be grateful for what we have right now, like everything. Like, say, your clothes you are wearing right now, if it is made out of cotton, it was made by all the worms that worked hard to produce the cotton. Not knowing it will be taken from them just to fulfill humans need. Domestication. Wow this is probably too much for now but yeah you get the point. Say, your job right now, it w

To become a creative person you must be able to connect the dots . What dots? Your knowledge.       Remember The Martian movie? Just like the guy that recommended the ship to move around the earth and get the thrust so that they can go back to mars and meet the guy that was left in mars with using less fuel if they were to take a turn in the middle of the space without earth's gravity. Now IDK if that scenario would be possible in reality because I've never really understood the concept to get the thrust or whatever they were aiming to use to push the ship. If he didn't know about the gravity concept, he wouldn't know something can be done to help the situation and the movie will probably end up with them turning around in the middle of the space. So to be creative you gotta know and understand at least everything that is in line with the subject you are dealing with. In this case physics, aerodynamics, and some other things (don't quote me on this LOL).      A way

When u find some perfect light the only thing that shines so bright to guide ur eyes for a better sight and help u find what IS right so u wanna hold it tight, really tight and don't want it let go from ur side 'cause something would consume it, the night and if the condition says so, then fight! -Surabaya, 20092017.

Bukannya aku tak ingin memadu kasih namun diriku masih menyimpan harapan perih yang dulunya terlihat mudah untuk diraih entahlah, kali ini alam mengisyaratkanku untuk tak menagih masih kuingat saat kumantapkan hatiku untuk dia. Dia, yang selama ini menjadi liquid oxygen dalam tungku semangatku di dada. Membakar apapun agar dengan hebat bergelora. Tanpa salam tanpa ucapan, dia pergi nun jauh tak bertanda. Mari mengandai, andai saja dulunya tak begitu adanya. Mungkin saat ini semua akan berbeda. Tanpa ada benci, amarah, dan nestapa. Menghujat? Rasanya sudah menjadi kebiasaan berkala. Pecundang yang hanya bisa memendam segala rasa. Entahlah, sudah berapa kali saja kuteriakkan dengan lantang bahwa aku masih mencintainya namun tetap saja pintu itu tak mau terbuka, tidak lelah menunggu orang yang sama untuk disambut bila dipikir-pikir, aku ini orang yang telah menyia-nyiakan waktu dengan berkalut "Apakah kau pernah memikirkanku di sini, bahwa hampir setiap harinya aku berdoa sambil ber

Aku hanyalah seorang keparat yang sedari lahir memang tak berbakat berlapiskan tanpa warna dan hanya pucat maka tak henti dirimu berfirasat pundakku kelu bila sedang beradu beradu dengan sifat yang semaumu hanya dengan berdiam dan membatu maka puaslah seluruh nafsu besarmu aku benci dengan perasaan tak biasa ini seakan sebuah keharusan untuk dimiliki tak mempunyai, tak bebas diri maka itulah gambaranku saat ini berat hati untuk berpindah sasaran terlena dengan sesuatu yang menyegarkan selama kau tetap berteguh dengan dugaan maka selama itu pula jiwa ini berantakan -Tangerang, 27072017.

Just gazin' at the sky it attracted ur soul to fly fly away and never die while the others just passin' by how can u burn somethin' to dust when everythin' u do went bust with nobody u can trust and keeps the world in its lust so sick and tired of the stars u used to gaze 'em at the bars and as u listen to the guitars ur head spinnin' around like pulsars just a moment after that u exhaustedly woke up scared to death 'cause u got no backup wonder if it wasn't only a dream set up u might wanna go rage and blowup -Tangerang, 16062017.

Lama ia mencari-cari apa arti dari kehadirannya rintik hujan menghujam tiada henti hingga tak terasa hari sudah senja banyak hal muncul dan menimbulkan tanya selayaknya manusia berakal, ia mengandai sekian waktu digunakannya hingga air hujan kini meresapi tirai dalam lamunan yang sama terasa sepi memeluknya dengan lembut awan di langit senja kembali menyapa hingga sepi perlahan menyurut tekanan darah dalam tubuh mengalir deras seakan alam mengujinya dengan ganas ingin ia buang rasa itu sepintas hingga ia berontak dengan keras! dalam waktu singkat buyarlah lamunan diikuti cucuran keringat diangkatnya tubuhnya dari kasur bertingkat hingga tubuh tak kuasa bergoyang hebat tak bertuan, tak berarah sesuatu telah menubruknya dengan parah tak ada yang diingat selain genangan darah hingga tak henti ia menghujat dengan marah namun senja kini sudah tak sejajar semua hal di atas mulai memudar sayup-sayup ia mendengar halilintar hingga akhirnya hari sudah fajar -Tangerang, 29052017.

I once was blind blind to everything who cares to me it was when I met a girl, she amazed me. One day I screwed up the situation we had. By we I mean me and her. I couldn't help my feelings to her but, there is something that was struggling, right inside my head. I know that I couldn't let her go at that time, so I decided to take some activities that might be useful for me to forget about her. But every time I'm alone, my fkn brain just keep popping up her image, back when I used to stalk her, or anything else that is related to her. I believe love can do big things but, some people say that you couldn't stay with your lover forever. And some other people say that you just need to keep her on your mind, deep inside your tiny little mind. -Tangerang, 13062016.

So like a day or two ago (at the time this is posted probably already weeks ago) I confessed to a girl I was in love with. LMAO. That was like the first time in my 21 year lifetime I confessed to someone about my feelings towards them. God d*mn that whole day I couldn't sleep, eat, and do my stuff.      I wasn't expecting her response cuz we haven't talked in years, by talk I mean chatting online SMH and yea so she replied the day after I sent my message. Sh*t. Once again I couldn't use my brain at all. I didn't want to read it instantly but also I was curious on what she answered to my message with so I just kept the notification up top, right sliding all the other non important notifications (cuz only this one that's important for me at that time LOL). But for real I didn't open the message until the next day. What a coward I am. It was in the morning when I opened it, and bam my brain stopped functioning for the second or third or fourth IDK I stopped cou

This year I'm turning to 21 years old. TWEnty ONe. This means I gotta make like a life roadmap before sh*t happens and f*ck my life up. To be honest, I haven't been thinking of having a relationship, hell even thinking of having a child. I admit that I'm not ready yet. Soon but not now.      I want to feel and live by myself for at least another 9 years, that's like when I'm 30 years old then I'll start thinking of what kind of relationship I want to have, how many children me and my partner want, where would we live, what our children's names will be, and a bunch of other adult stuff I don't want to think of for now. I still want to live single. I want to be a bad*ss uncle, walking around with a lot of money, gaining attentions wherever I go, and get all the ladies. No I'm JK. But yea the point is I want to enjoy the life of a single man before having a relationship which I imagine would be like in prison. You can't do anything freely because yo

One of these days I keep thinking of what I once thought when I was much, much, much younger. Nothingness . The existence of one is absent. Basically nothing is existing and there is only nothing out there.      Back then I was curious of what would you do after your body dies. What would happen after that. I was thinking that our brain is what makes us human. Controls what we do, decides what food we are going to have for lunch, what position do you have in this world, etc. Without that we are not really a human. We would be just like animals, using instincts for their survival in this world. Then one time I came across the idea of what would happen after you die. Nothing. You can not see anything, you can not think of anything, feel anything, no heartbeat, everything that were attached on our human body. With that in my mind I started to contemplate life more often regarding of what can I do to be immortal even if my body would decease eventually, what would my legacy be, what would

For the last few weeks I've been struggling to come back to reality. I have been a bad person, not like I did commit crimes or anything, just that I was too naive about the world.      Sometimes it's good to have plans of your own and not thinking all the consequences. Being an idealist is hard but doable (if you have the courage and are willing to wait for god knows how long until it happens). Sometimes you just gotta throw all your dreams and aspirations. It just won't happen. In the times like this we have to move in a fast pace, while there are some that choose not to, ignoring process if I must say.       There's a famous word from my country that says, Idealisme adalah kemewahan terakhir yang hanya dimiliki oleh pemuda. Idealism is the last luxury that only youth have. -Tan Malaka      Well then I guess I'm starting to get into the boring adult life we all wanted when we were young which we regret instantly after we get it LOL. It's not like I'm being

Being a judgmental person made me lose a lot of opportunities I could have get. Seeing someone else's achievement, judging the person because they just can't finish their work on time, etc.  You know too much psychology when you can't get mad because you understand why everyone's reasons for doing everything.      I was a very judgmental person. I would talk sh*t to anyone that I feel they deserve what I'm about to say. Even if they would hate me in the end. I didn't care about one's feeling towards my actions. One day I realize I've made so much mistakes by letting them know what I think about them because you simply just can't say what you think about them directly. People don't need your suggestions or input unless they asked you for it and even then people will more likely going to let it pass. I realize that by telling them what to do I would just waste my energy and time which I can invest in something else instead of being a judgmental pe

Childhood celebbbrity crrrushhh now I'll give you time to remember all of them! That one time you watch a show, or maybe you came to their concert, or in the movie they were in, everything!      I suddenly remember that I was so in love with the girl in Bridge to Terabithia. Yup, the name is AnnaSophia Robb. I'll always remember the name. It was on holiday and well you know all the holiday movie is being played on TV and we were just watching it. Then this movie came. One thing that got my mind is that where the F did she go??? I was so young I didn't know what to think or what could be the scenario behind it and really the movie just left me with confusion. I learn about the tragedy when I hit teenage years when internet was already a common thing and accessible here where I live. That broke my heart instantly. But well life is always like that. Words that I remember from a scene in The Amazing World of Gumball (yes, you heard it right, GUMBALL), When life gives you lemon

While I was listening to one of Rich Brian's song "History" I heard about self control . Background story about the song is it's about a guy that met her ex and he couldn't move on. One day they both were in the same place, in a party to be exact. The girl's friends warned her about him and that she should stay away from him now that they have broken up. Then the guy this bar came, You're so good at self control, but, maybe now it's time for change.      That bar made me think that hmm if only I have that kind of power, just imagine you can limit the time you spend on your daily activities. This will soon lead you to be able to avoid instant gratification , but that will be on another discussion. Having the power to wait for instant gratification just a little bit longer for something greater in the long run is something that you can achieve if you do it daily. It's gotta be your habit . You gotta live with it, breath with it, etc.      For me, wel

Last Saturday my place went through an instant disaster known as flood . The government then cut out the electricity since Saturday morning 6:30 a.m even until now Monday afternoon 12:30 p.m as I'm writing this. The flood covered nearly the entire place of where I'm living with the height of 180 cm the highest. My house fortunately only got a small flood by only 30 cm, not much but still we can't do anything without the electricity running.      We are using the conventional method as source of water, jet pump. So with the current situation where we have no electricity = no water = no dishes done = no one goes to shower = all works are suspended with no estimated time of arrival (ETA). It's been two days GDI and still counting.      Hope everything is going to be okay here and of course out there and like the best quote of my life that I read from Kaskus a looong time ago says, This too shall pass. Adios!

No matter what the results are, keep doing it . You only get better when you don't stop. Even if you don't think you can pull it, just believe in yourself. If something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor. -Elon Musk      Start fresh. Do things slowly . Never expect big returns. Always think of the worst case possible scenario. Slow but sure . Stay away from distractions . Build up your confidence . Listen to music of your choice. But remember, take a quick break once in a while. Record your progressions. You will soon see how much you have improved . Adios!

Do you ever feel like you have some symptoms ? Well let me tell you what I think about it. Ever since I was a little kid I have been having this thing I don't know what but every time I do something on my right hand, my left hand has to do it too. Let's say I was just wiping off some dirt on my right hand, I would be mad and will always think that I should wipe my left hand too even though I did nothing on it. When I'm playing with my hand like what other children do (or probably not) I always want to make my hands move symmetrically like if the right hand goes up so does the left one. After years of NOT realizing what happened to me back then and what has always been happening to me, apparently it's called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). According to Google (if you search it up "OCD meaning"),  It is an excessive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviours compulsions). Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by unreasonable thoughts

Anything can become toxic if it's taken too much. Your medications, addictions, hobbies etc. Knowing when to stop and reevaluate life is something that should be considered by anyone. Including me of course. I've always been into gaming ever since I was a little kid. Consoles, mobile, anything that catches my interest. I didn't really know what's my goal in life, at least not until I entered university. That was the very moment I realized I've wasted too much time doing something that only satisfies my short-term happiness or instant gratification.      These days I've been trying to avoid doing those and fill up my day with things that can help me reach my long term goals. Although I still have cheat day. But hey, I'm improving. This is probably the most important thing to teach to a youngling, on how to value life and know their worth . That way they realize what they want to do in life and avoid things that don't add up to their growth. I was a carel

We are driven by our emotions. Our emotions comes from desires. Desire to eat the food we've been crawling to eat, to make more money, to be able to do things efficiently and effectively and so on. There are three things that keep human being thriving. Greed, lust and knowledge.      Greed. The fact that we are never gonna get satisfied and always wants more is called greed. Simply because there are things that our brain think that's cool if we can own them. Lust. We want to achieve new goals like getting a better job. Knowledge. Whether it's something unimportant like gossips or even the essentials like science and studies we want to know everything because we feel superior knowing them before anyone else. PS: I've been slacking these past few weeks, got into some troubles. Stay strong ! Adios!

Classic story. Our life, we bump into new people each and every day, whether they last long or only as a one-time-meet-and-gone. When we meet new people, it is either we that will change their life, or they are the one that will change our life. This can be our mindset, way of life, how we dress, how we treat other person, or just simply making new memories. Now love is something more complicated. It is, indeed, complicated in many ways. For me, all my life I have fallen in love twice, it was back in junior high school and senior high school. Both has somewhat similar hobbies and character, though if I look more closely they both are unique. I still have feelings towards them, although I never made a contact ever since we separated from school. These past few years I have never fell in love to anyone else. Weird I know. We were young, and we were old. Life was warm, then life was cold. It gets harder, yes you'll see, but, were we ever meant to be?   -Reality Club      Wherever they

When you have a work to do, just do it right now. When someone asked you to help them, help them right away. Time doesn't go back, it's always moving, and not waiting for anyone or anything.      Next time you think you can procrastinate, just imagine that you probably will be dead in the next 24 hours, leaving all the tasks undone and well, ruined your responsibility. Just kidding, that's too far. Imagine you have to pay your coworker in the next two hours because it's 2 pm and the bank where you put the money is closing in 2 hours. On the other hand, you are in the middle of your quality time playing games. First thing you gotta do is to postpone your game and quickly pay your coworker. Just do it right now. You will never know what would happen in the next few hours, maybe your coworker's wife got sick so they had to use the payday money immediately for medical expenses. Too bad when they check their bank account they haven't received the money. Now you can f

For the past few months I've been enjoying to listen to some old songs I used to listen to when I was younger such as hip hop, emo, pop and etc. Human is unique. We can lift up our mood by listening to a certain sound and it can help us focus on things that we are working on. Whether you just had a long day, or a very adventurous day, you always want to pop a song or just sing it yourself without the song playing. Alone, or with someone you know, together blasting the feeling out.      For me, the kind of music that I really like is hip hop, especially rap song. I don't know why but rap songs can always keep me sane during work or school hours. It's probably because I also try to imitate the gesture of the MC make when they are performing on stage. There are Eminem, 2Pac, Ice Cube, Kendrick Lamar, Rich Brian, Denzel Curry, Mac Miller, Logic, Joyner Lucas and J. Cole. Each has their own different technique and style. It's unique. I can never get tired of listening to the